Continually promising to do something with friends but not making solid plans could be a sign the relationship is over, a leading columnist has said.

On Moncrieff today, The Irish Independent’s Tanya Sweeney said she often tells people “We must meet up soon” – but leaves the conversation thinking she “never meant it”.

Ms Sweeney said it’s a universal experience, which she has also been on the receiving end of, as friendships evolve over time.

“There is a point in your life when your friends are the most important part of your life and you will go out six or seven nights a week to keep those friendships up and running,” she said.

“Then real life does happen and you pull back from that very hectic social life.

“I’ve noticed I’m a divil for saying ‘we’ll meet up soon’ and in the moment I think I mean it – but it’s kind of a conversational tick.

“I go away thinking I don’t mean it.”

Bored girl listening to her friend having a conversation. Image: Antonio Guillem Fernández / Alamy Stock Photo

Ms Sweeney said sometimes we just need to admit our friendship with some people has come to an end.

“We have a tranche of friends, our ‘must meet soon’ friends, and they’re just the kind of people you don’t really want to see.

“You’re saying it to be nice, to pretend you’re making an effort, but it never goes further than that – and we all have them.”

Finding time

Ms Sweeney said we always find time for the most important people in our lives.

“I do believe for your genuine friends and the people you love to hang out with, you find the time for,” she said.

“We always make out we’re super busy and that’s what’s standing in the way, but you’ll make the effort for some people and not for your Z-list friends.”

The columnist has also been on the receiving end of ‘must meetup soon’ promises.

“I’ll ask someone what they’re doing next Saturday and they’ll come back saying the dogs eaten their front door, their leg is sore or whatever it is,” she said.

“What I do is I’ll try it again and if they come up with another excuse - they’ll get benched.

“Then it’s really on them to pick up the baton and instigate a meeting if they’ve cancelled twice.”

'Ever-changing friendships'

Ms Sweeney said other people can grow more important to us as we age.

“Friendships change in function over the years and people who may have been incredibly peripheral a decade ago, you might now find you have loads in common with,” she said.

“They move into sharper focus, whereas other people who are on different lives and paths recede into the background a bit.

“Friendships are ever-changing things; they’re alive and you have to keep them up on rails or send them out to pasture – one or another."

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